You don't have to be lost, to be found
by Meero94
Summary: Oliver Queen has been lost long enough to know that returning back home isn't the same thing as being found. He also knows that his needs should always take a backseat to The Hood. However, a certain blond seems to disagree hence her deciding that Oliver needs saving as much as Starling city does. Oliver doesn't really want to be found, but if it's Felicity, he may allow a try.
1. Oliver

**Hello everyone! I found out about Arrow a few weeks ago and it took me less than a week to finish the entire season and exactly 3 episodes to stat shipping Olicity, so yes you guessed it, this is indeed an Olicity fic. This takes place in the same universe as the show but with slight alterations, the undertaking hasn't happened yet and the story line and who knows what will become clearer if the story progresses.**

**Anyway, those of you who know my other works, probably know that I'm as bad as Felicity when it comes to babbling in A/Ns so I'm keeping this short as not to scare the new readers off, but be a sweetheart and read the A/N at the end please.**

**Although**** I wouldn't mind owning Oliver Queen, I sadly don't. Nor do I own anyone or anything else in this story.**

**P.S: credit for the fic's icon goes to whoever made it (awesome job!) because I didn't.**

**Enjoy!**

There may have been a time in Oliver Queen's life where the flash of cameras and the presence of paparazzi didn't faze him. At that time, he'd have given them a smirk as he passed by and a few remarks on his latest escaped that would draw some gasps and leave him satisfied that he was still Starling city's number one playboy. This wasn't the case anymore.

As Oliver headed into his newly opened club, he noticed the pap lurking around and snapping shots of unsuspecting guests, who for some reason didn't seem to notice the man at all. Oliver knew it was good promotion for the place but the idea of a stranger with a camera around his neck, going around the building and finding things he shouldn't, didn't sound too appealing –and call him paranoid but it sounded outright suspicious.

He frowned as he reached the door, the bouncer there greeted him with a nod and Oliver returned it, then with his _normal _Oliver voice he said "see that man over there," he nodded discreetly while smiling at people passing them "he has a camera and I don't want him disturbing our guests."

The bouncer nodded at that, getting the message right away, and moved towards the other guy but Oliver didn't stick around to see the outcome; he still had to make an appearance in the club before he could get down to the lair and start his mission for the night. That thought alone was the only thing to keep him going.

An hour later found Oliver heading down the stairs to the hidden basement with a frown itched to his forehead.

"You look grumpy," remarked Felicity, who was standing with Diggle by the weapons' table "as opposed to your usual cheerful self that is" she finished and Digg smirked.

"I ran into some old friends in the club," his tone suggested they were anything but "it took a little longer than I thought. I should have been out by now" his tone was stern and he knew, by the quick glances Digg and Felicity exchanged, that he must have sounded a bit too harsh.

"You okay, man?" Digg wasn't normally the one to voice concern –that was Felicity's job- so it took Oliver by surprise and made him think over this encounter, because yes he was tired and he was as far from okay as humanly possible, but if it was showing then he must have been even more tired than he thought. It was his problem alone and letting it show wasn't an option at the moment.

"Yes," Oliver nodded with a flat tone "great." He knew this would put an end to Digg's questions and would let the other man know that Oliver didn't want an interrogation at the moment. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate his friend's concern; it's just that keeping it bottled in was easier. Much more practical.

Diggle gave Oliver a long look before heading towards the computers to pull out a window with information about the drug dealer they were after, and Oliver was relieved.

However, as he moved forward Oliver discovered that he has forgotten one little blonde problem that would stand in his way. Quite literally, too.

Felicity crossed her arms and stood directly in front of Oliver, not allowing him another move in the direction of the computers. He could easily sidestep her or just ignore her presence. He could also glare her down until she moves out of his way, but if Oliver has learned anything in the months that Felicity Smoak has worked with him; it was that the IT girl was as stubborn as he is, and their glaring matches could very well go on for hours. Not that he minded having a glaring contest with the blond girl –it secretly amused him- but he was somewhat short on time here.

"What do you want Felicity?" his tone was low, threatening. It made it clear that he was in no mood for games. Anyone else would have backed down but Felicity, to her credit, only wavered slightly before straightening herself more and jutting out her chin stubbornly.

"You don't look okay to me," Felicity said slowly, then picking up speed she said "actually you look very tired, like someone who was run over by a truck. Not that being run over by a truck would leave you tired… It'd leave you with broken bones probably. Which is nothing that hasn't happened to you before, I suppose. Which is also not the point," she took a breath there and Oliver felt his lips twitch slightly.

Damn Felicity and her cute ramblings that made him smile when he didn't feel like it.

Wait, did he just call Felicity cute? Okay, it must be his tired brain speaking. Tired. _Right._

Oliver just ignored that last thought.

"The point is" Felicity said after a little pause "you look like death warmed over"

"I'm fine," he said and it came out with an involuntary sigh that wouldn't have escaped if it weren't for Felicity's babbling softening him "Just tired a bit" he planned to stop there but the words kept tumbling out, as if they've been waiting the opportunity to escape him "things aren't that great at home."

Oliver internally cringed for letting out that bit and he could already hear his internal voice chastening him for slipping. The voice sounded like The Hood's not his.

"Oh, Ollie" Felicity said and reached out a hand to brush his upper arm in comfort. He allowed the contact for all of five seconds then gave her a half smile –that felt bitter even to him, and stepped around her and towards the computers.

Diggle was standing by the screens and giving him and Felicity an odd look. The look has become somewhat frequent over the past couple of months but it was another thing Oliver chose to ignore. He couldn't bring himself to think of its implications, let alone figure out if they were true. No. he was much better off not knowing.

"So," Oliver started and his voice has become steadier and deeper, his mentality becoming more The Hood and less Oliver "what do we have on him?"

Diggle went through the info on the screen at that, reciting the address they were heading to and the type of resistant they could encounter. Felicity went over the satellite maps of the place and showed the less guarded points they could use for entry. There was no special drug deal going on tonight or something out of the ordinary for that place, so they didn't really have a timeline to stick to but Oliver wanted to head there, put some arrows into those criminals then get back home and sleep –or at least try to.

_Except, _a little voice said _you can't just put your arrows in them. There has to be only a warning first. Killing isn't a necessity here. _And that voice sounded more Oliver than The Hood.

Oliver flexed his jaw and had to fight the urge to physically shake the thoughts out of his head. Sometimes it felt like he was going crazy, other times it felt like he really had two –if not three- people living inside of his head.

His expression must have stayed stony and controlled while he thought, because Diggle and Felicity were both busy preparing the tiny comm devices and neither of them was reaching for their phones to call a mental institution to throw Oliver in.

_Good, _he thought. _It'd be a pain to make the asylum into a lair; too much package to move. Would be hard to be the Vigilante there as well, maybe you could change from green to white. It'd match your cell's walls._

That last bit sounded like old Oliver and it was a testimony to current Oliver's mental sanity that he didn't laugh out loud at that. Or scream. Or both.

He slightly shook his head and it earned him a raised eyebrow from Felicity but no more. She must have seen something in his face that kept her away and that was good. Felicity Smoak may be the only thing that scares Oliver more than his own mind and keeping her away has been his plan for quite some time now. It was also another thing he didn't allow himself to think about. A dangerous topic, that.

"Anytime you're ready," Oliver said to Digg as he headed to retrieve his bow and slip into his hood. Digg in turn grabbed his gun and jacket off of a chair then moved towards Oliver.

Before Diggle could make it another step however, Felicity grabbed his arm and rose on tiptoes to whisper something in his ear and if the quick glance in Oliver's direction was any indication, he was pretty sure she was telling Digg to keep an eye on him.

Digg nodded once to whatever Felicity had said then made his way up the stairs with a quick glance that told Oliver to follow.

"Oliver," Felicity said hesitantly "Just.. be careful"

Oliver wanted to feel annoyed about with her comment but despite his stoic expression on the outside and his insistence that he was _just tired_, he did feel worn out and on edge on the inside and it was nice to have someone care enough to remind him to stay safe. He could feel every nerve ending he has tingling, every emotion boiling but he didn't want to think of the _why _or _who_ behind those feelings. He just wanted to take it out on criminals who well deserved it.

"Don't worry" he answered softly then made his way up the stairs after Diggle.

As he headed up the stairs, Oliver thought that Felicity's fears were unfounded because his enemies may have been dangerous and fetal –but they weren't the ones he was scared of; it wasn't them who were going to kill him. He knew for a fact that his secrets would manage to do that first. Tear him open from the inside out. Throw him back into that island and drown him again and again until he couldn't breathe. His secrets would kill him.

He didn't really care.

He just hoped they'll wait long enough for The Hood to finish his job.

**A/N: First of all thanks for reading, you're awesome! Second, this chapter right here is the first I've ever written for a TV fandom or a TV show, I usually write for books only, so take it easy on me Arrow fandom and be nice please. I won't carry on this story unless I know for sure that it's being read and I really loved writing this chapter and I have lots of ideas for it and for Oliver's character. **

**I read many fics and noticed that Oliver is never given enough of a POV so I'm giving him one here, although next chapter would be Felicity probably. I really hope you liked this and I hope you'd tell me what you think. Should I go on with it? **

**Review? **


	2. The beautiful and the broken

**Hello again! This chapter has been sitting in my folders the entire week, and since I'll be out of my city for a few days (no wifi for poor me) I figured I may as well post it tonight and not let you guys wait any longer, so here it is! **

**Thank you so much for your support and follows and reviews, it just means the world to me and you're all great. Also a big thank you to OrisounAsh who had to answer my never ending questions and put up with me in general this week. **

**This chapter is Felicity and I know it's too short (don't kill me) but I hope everyone likes it, and I'd love to hear what you think about it. A/N at the end will be my ramble about where the story is going so you may wanna see that :3 **

**I own no one and nothing, and the quote at the beginning is Cassandra Clare's (check her books she's awesome)**

**Enjoy!**

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_"God knows we're all drawn toward what's beautiful and broken; I have been, but some people cannot be fixed. Or if they can be, it's only by love and sacrifice so great it destroys the giver."_

_―Cassandra Clare, City of Lost Souls_

She can't sleep.

For many weeks now, Felicity Smoak has lain down in her bed every night and stared at the ceiling. At some point she had even counted the cracks running through it and wondered if her bed should be moved. The nights always started with her running through the events of the day, committing some to memory while deposing of others. Locking away the picture of a hostage in the deepest bit of her mind where she'll never find it again, but holding on to that of a smiling daughter whose father's life was saved by the vigilante. And that last word was what haunted her thoughts most of all. The vigilante. The hood. Oliver.

If she was being honest, Oliver Queen was the real reason she's staring off her walls. She loses sleep over him much more frequently than she cares to admit.

At first, Felicity has thought of Oliver as the weird, demanding, hot –extremely hot- billionaire playboy with numerous crazy chores to give her and stories to match. The stories he used to tell her were laughable at best.

It took her all of two meetings to develop a minor crush on him.

Back then she had dismissed that crush easily; he was a careless playboy with a great smile. She was the IT girl working for him. That crush was doomed and would fade away soon enough. Except for how it didn't. And all of that was _before._ Before he made it wounded and bloody to her car, before he asked her if she were in, before she glimpsed the real Oliver Queen.

Now however –and she sighed as she thought that- she knew who the real Oliver Queen was. Or at least, she knew the parts of him that he so rarely allowed to show. Those weren't helping with her crush.

And hasn't she read somewhere that a crush that lasts over 4 months isn't _just a crush _anymore? She'll have to research that in the morning.

Felicity's crush wasn't the thing she thought about most however. It was real Oliver and his real Oliver torment that kept her up at night. It was the things ,like that slip about his family a few days ago, or the dark circles under his eyes yesterday, or how he seemed to look through Diggle as the two men talked today, that kept her up thinking. Some days she could swear that he was fading right before her eyes. She didn't like that.

She was used to fixing things, taking control of whatever dared touch her devices and blocking it, erasing it, destroying it. ButOliver wasn't a device and he wasn't _hers _to fix. She still wanted to try.

At some point, Felicity's life has been fairly easy and quite normal. She would work through her days in the IT department then invest her nights in TV shows and new movies. If she used to lose any sleep at night, it was over her favorite TV couple breaking up, and mind you that _is _quite painful -besides the point at the moment, but worth emphasizing.

Felicity's days used to be normal. She never used to think of brooding guys who may or may not be in constant war with themselves, she never used to pray that a man who lost his brother could eventually catch the killer; she never used to look twice at every turn she takes and always assess her surroundings. It was all changing now. She wouldn't have it any other way.

Closing her eyes, Felicity tried to remember at what point she has stopped worrying over how many episodes of Doctor Who she's missed and started fretting over the safety, both mentally and physically, of those two strange men.

Yes Felicity did also worry about Diggle. Despite her babbling nature and her constant smile, Felicity did a lot of worrying, and that as well was new. To her defense though, Diggle did throw himself in dangerous situations just like Oliver and he was also stubborn, although slightly more cautious.

Oliver –and here she goes again- was more reckless, not with his job or responsibility as The Hood, not with the way he fought or with his missions but with himself. According to Diggle, Oliver had the self preservation sense of a fruit fly. She really didn't understand that though, and when Diggle had somberly remarked it, she had questioned him mercilessly.

"_Still doesn't make sense" Felicity said "I've seen him fight for his life, Digg. So have you! His survival instinct is more powerful than any other sense he has," she paused "or so I think."_

"_If there's one thing the army has taught me," Answered Diggle "it's that fighting for survival and wanting to actually survive are two very different things." _

_At that Felicity has shook her head and worried her lower lip between her teeth. "You think he doesn't want to survive?" she asked hesitantly. _

"_If you've seen the way he fought today, within an inch of his life," Diggle drew in a breath as he said that "you would have thought so too." _

_Felicity felt her shoulders sagging in defeat and a frown crawling its way across her forehead. _

"_I'm not trying to make you worry," Diggle said with a frown of his own "I just.. I think he listens to you more than he does to me. He actually pauses at your words."_

_Something tightened in Felicity's chest as she heard those words and she tried for a deep breath "what should I do?" she sounded like a little kid; small and lost. She didn't know what to do. She saw Oliver's selflessness and the way he puts everyone before himself, of course she did, but she never thought of it as anything other than Oliver being, well, Oliver. Now however, as Diggle pointed it out, Felicity started to reconsider. _

Sighing again, Felicity decided to give the poor ceiling a rest and stare down her left wall instead. She tossed and turned a few times in hopes that the constant movement would somehow shake away the memory. It didn't.

That day Diggle had answered her last question with a long look and a muttered "you'll figure something out" before he took off, leaving her to a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions.

That conversation took place five months after she had started working with Oliver. It was about that time that she started constantly reminding him to be careful. It's not like she didn't do it before Digg and she talked, it's just that it became more frequent and much more heartfelt. She hated to think of Oliver fighting for survival out of mere duty.

She groaned at that train of thought as it has once cost her two days of sleep in a row, with no outcome but proving that understanding tormented heroes was much more exhausting, and complicated, than it originally seemed. And complicated was literally Felicity's field, so that was saying something.

No matter how long and how hard she thought, she always ended up with three things on mind:

Firstly, Oliver Queen needed saving. A thought she'll never voice; since she valued her head intact and un-pierced.

Secondly, what he needed saving from was himself. Something she came to realize very recently.

Thirdly, she had to be the one to do it. And she's thought this one so many times lately that it became a mantra.

She stayed awake a while after that; trying to figure out a way to get Oliver to talk to her without her having to ask –she knew he'd shut her out and away from his life faster than she could say _arrow _if she voiced her concerns the wrong way- and fantasizing of wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tight.

The fantasies soon turned less logical as Felicity yawned and felt the first traces of sleep slowing her thoughts, jumbling them and making memories blend in with images of worried friends and haunted blue eyes and big warm hands brushing her cheek.

She was sinking slowly into sleep but there was a thought still echoing in her mind of broken things being beautiful and how she'd still like to mend them.

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**A/N: So this chapter is basically an introduction to the way of thinking of my Felicity; she's awesome and funny but also very intense and somewhat serious, and I hope you find her well written. I honestly tried to make her sound like her usual quirky self on the show, but I believe that the inner workings of Felicity's head are a bit more complicated than we'd all like to think. **

**As for where the story is going, first of all I'm not sticking to the time line or events of the story so expect anything, but the undertaking will happen (just by a different time) and I'll probably use the episodes on the show but with different events. I'm also planning to write post-the-undertaking which is why I've been peppering my father with legally related questions and figuring out what could befall Moira Queen due to her confessions and work, so basically this will be a long fic. I think. **

**Next chapter will be much longer and will be here soon... and will have lots of Oliver. Now please tell me what are your thoughts on this one and if you think this Felicity is good or a bit OOC. Did you like the chapter, did you hate it? Review! And thanks for reading the A/N, you're awesome!**


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